Baby Update

On June 8th, we lost the baby. I started spotting on Sunday before church, but as I spotted with Maggie, I didn't really think anything of it. When I got up the next morning, it was heavier. I called the nurse and talked with her on and off through the day. The first plan was to just wait until our scheduled appointment on Friday to go in, but when the bleeding became heavier, she got us in yesterday. We had another ultrasound and then met with Dr. McCracken. He was very kind. He told us there was nothing we did to cause the miscarriage and nothing we could have done to prevent it. It just happens. It probably happened because the baby was missing something genetically to develop. He also said that he once thought he could come up with the perfect thing to say, but there is no perfect thing. And no matter how many times he sees it, it's never easy.

Rocky and I took the rest of the day off. We went out for coffee and then to the movie "Wolverine." After the movie, we picked up Maggie from daycare -- she was still sleeping and was very surprised to see Mommy waking her up. At home, we played in the backyard with bubbles and it warmed my heart to watch Maggie running after the bubbles to try to pop them, giggling the whole time. Laughter truly is the best medicine.

I haven't had much time to dwell on the loss. It seems to hit me in waves. I do wonder what the baby would have looked like, if it was a boy or a girl, would the pregnancy be easier or more difficult than Maggie. I didn't even have many symptoms (other than the incredibly growing boobs). Coming into work today was a good thing. Busy work to keep my mind occupied. I think Christmas will be difficult, knowing the baby would have been born around that time. It will help if we are able to get pregnant again soon. Dr. McCracken was optimistic about us trying again. He said the usual recommendation is waiting three months, but if we get pregnant sooner, it's not a big deal. I think we will probably try again once we are ready. He kind of reminded us to mourn this loss like we would any other.

I feel like I've been inducted to a secret society as so many friends have come forward with their own losses. It doesn't make it easier to understand, but a little easier to accept. Knowing so many had healthy pregnancies following a miscarriage also helps a lot. Knowing this is most likely a one time occurance helps the healing.

Right now, it is one day at a time and one foot in front of the other.