Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The worries

Still just writing for me. But writing because I'm so very very worried and I can't tell anyone about it. We still haven't told anyone (well, I told my VP because we were having a conversation about stress and the conversation lead that way and I really wanted someone in the office to know, just in case). And today, I woke up with zero pregnancy symptoms. No sore boobs, no fear of throwing up, no upset stomach that will calm down with toast or cereal. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

Maybe I'm one of the lucky pregnant women who doesn't have a lot of symptoms, or those that will come and go. But it wasn't that way with Maggie. The sore boobs and upset stomach continued into the 2nd trimester. I remember dry heaving many mornings for many many weeks. And when I did that the other morning, I was so so very happy. If I'm sick, then everything is fine, right? The good news is I'm not cramping or bleeding, but part of me wonders if that is the progesterone, not letting that happen.

All I know is I'm scared and feel oh so alone right now. I can't cry at work. Well, I can, but not without arousing questions I'm just not prepared to answer right now. I'm hoping for a busy day and a call back from nurse Shelly to lay to rest my fears. Though, I doubt that will happen until I see the heartbeat on the monitor next week.

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