Trust God

I got to spend time with Maggie at Bible School this last week. We had a lot of fun and learned

No matter who you are (or what you look like -- Maggie's interpretation) ...
No matter how you feel ...
No matter what people do ...
No matter where you are ...
Trust God

The lesson really sunk in with Maggie. On Thursday, when I pulled into the parking lot, a big truck & trailer were taking up 7 spaces. I started complaining about how could someone do that? Don't they know others need to park here too? Maggie piped up from the backseat to tell me, "Mom, did you forget? No matter what people do, trust God." Thanks for the reminder, sweetie.

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Preparing For Today ... And Tomorrow

The past few days, I've been feeling a familiar tug of wanderlust.  We've been in Billings for almost 5 years and really do not have a desire to move again. We like our house, our church, our community. Maggie likes her school.  I like my job (most of the time!)  But with Rocky's dissertation done and graduation around the corner, I've started wondering ... [and yes I'm going to leave it at that]

So, today, I ran across a "letter from Jesus" I received during my walk and am making this my prayer today.

Let me prepare you for the day that stretches out before you.  I know exactly what this day will contain, you have only vague ideas about it.  You would like to see a map, showing all the twists and turns of your journey.  You'd feel more prepared if you could somehow visualize what is on the road ahead.  However, there is a better way to be prepared for whatever you will encounter today: Spend quality time with Me.

I will not show you what is on the road ahead, but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey.  My living presence is your Companion each step of the way.  Stay in continual communication with Me, whispering My name whenever you need to redirect your thoughts.  Thus, you can walk through this day with your focus on Me.  My abiding presence is the best road map available. 

Love, Jesus

Maundy Thursday

Last night, I attended Maundy Thursday, or Holy Thursday, services at church.  This service has long been one of my favorites.  The Last Supper itself is a fascinating event.  The Passover Meal, shared amongst Jesus' followers, and Jesus calling out Judas.

From Twitter last night: David Hansen ‏ @rev_david  #thatawkwardmoment When your friend calls you out at dinner for plotting to kill him. #maundythursday

As part of my experience of the evening, last night I tweeted through the service [Rocky thought I shouldn't have done that as I should have been "paying attention." I feel like I was just taking notes.] and I have decided I want to "keep" those tweets by preserving them here. 

#MaundyThursday a new commandment given so long ago on this holy day

All are welcomed to His table tonight

Come, be a part of His story. Of his feast.

John 13:1 The full extent of His love for us. He allowed the events to transpire. [It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. ]

Peter's unbridled enthusiasm! John 13. [v 9 “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!” ]

Am I just going through the motions of Easter? Or am I participating fully?

Is it I Lord? How have I betrayed my Lord today?

Have I washed my hands of the responsibility today? Where have I been inactive?

How have I been changed by this meal? By His sacrifice?

Change my heart oh God may I be like you.

Holy communion is the family of God coming together, where our hands & hearts come together

RT Jeff Rudy ‏ @jmrudy81 "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends." - Jesus #MaundyThursday
Thank you Lord for that unspeakable gift that is ours.

The mandatum "new commandment" Love each other as I have loved you.

There were a lot of Tweets with the #MaundyThursday hashtag and I thought about checking the #HolyThursday hashtag, but the ritual person in me prefers to call this day "Maundy Thursday." And now seeing that Maundy is actually from the Latin Mandatum for a "New Commandment," I think I prefer it even more.

I leave this post with a verse from a song Dave Oltrogge, one of our music ministry leaders at church, wrote a few years ago for this very service.  The song is called "The Upper Room."

Please remember this night and what we do
The broken bread and cup and the life poured out for you
Please remember that in this upper room
You were with Jesus the Lamb God gave for you.
You were with Jesus.

Reading Again, for the First Time

The more I read the Bible, the more I am finding things that I either didn’t read before, didn’t understand, or are coming to a new understanding as I get older [Rocky is wondering if I’m starting to go through a mid-life crisis – not sure if that’s a bad thing if it takes me deeper in to the Bible].  Last week, in my psalms study, I read Psalm 11 and one phrase suddenly brought me comfort, where before it was frightening, making God seem far far away.

Psalm 11:4: The Lord is in his holy temple …

In the past, I’m sure I took this simple sentence at face value.  God is somewhere, far way, in a temple.  I will need permission, a pass, a background screen, walk through a metal detector to get to him; He is inaccessible because he is in a temple.

Last week, however, I read the entire psalm, which is quite short, and re-saw what David was praying about.  David was praying about refuge from the wicked and wondering why the wicked were allowed to get away with, well, being wicked.  It’s been the theme of the past few psalms.  The wicked are given a free pass, the wicked are chasing me and yet the Lord does nothing.  But wait, God is present, he IS in his holy temple and is on this throne.  He is observing: which feels to me like he is not just watching us like some cosmic reality TV show, he is taking notes, he knows what is happening and will examine and provide justice.  HIS justice, not mine, not someone else’s, not society’s, but HIS.  I think that’s the tough part. We, and by “we” I mean “I”, want human justice.  We think justice is only in this life, but there’s more to it.  God is the ultimate judge and I need to remember that the Lord IS in his holy temple, he IS on his throne, and he WILL impart HIS justice.

vs. 7 For the Lord is righteous,
he loves justice;
the upright will see his face

I Will

I’m doing a weekly Psalm Study with Wendy Pope, a writer and speaker for the Proverbs 31 Ministry.  It’s a nice study, because it is easy – 1 psalm/week, 10-15 minutes, 4 days a week.  My original plan was to write once a week about each psalm, but I have to admit that the first few studies hit me a little too close to home, struck a couple of nerves.  I do hope to go back to some of those psalms, revisit, and maybe write about why they hit me so hard.

So, this week’s Psalm is #9.  In today’s vlog, Wendy talked about how our inward attitude becomes our outward expression.  I have to change myself, internally, before I can expect changes to be visible to others.

I WILL praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; I WILL tell of all your wonders.  I WILL be glad and rejoice in you; I WILL sing praise to your name, O Most High. v. 1-2

For the rest of this week, I will follow the first 2 verses.  I will praise.  I will tell.  I will be glad.  I will sing.

Desperately Seeking Grace

Last weekend, Rocky suggested I watch the movie “The Mission”.  It is set in the 18th century South America and is the story of Spanish Jesuits trying to protect a remote South American Indian tribe from Portugal and slavery.  Robert DeNiro stars as a hot-headed slave-trader, Mendoza, who ends up feeling a desperate need for penance after killing his brother in a rage of jealousy.  Jeremy Irons plays the Jesuit missionary, Father Gabriel, given the task of Mendoza’s penance, which involves dragging Spanish armor to Irons’ mission, at the top of a waterfall, and the only way to get to the top is to climb up the side of the waterfall.  Mendoza doesn’t want to believe in this penance and isn’t sure if even wants the forgiveness, but, in it, he tries to earn or feel the forgiveness that eludes him.  He accepts no help from the Jesuits.  At the top of the waterfall, the Jesuits are welcomed with open arms of the Indians, but Mendoza is recognized as the slave-trader who used to hunt them.  One Indian rushes to slit his throat.  A short exchange with Fr. Gabriel and the Indian frees Mendoza of his burden, pushing it off the cliff and into the water below.  Mendoza bursts into tears which evolve into laughter as he realizes what has happened.  Grace.  True,  unearned Grace.  Regardless of his past sins, these Indians offered him Grace.  [That’s just the first half of the movie and I kind of wish I had stopped watching. Humans can be such animals to one another.]

It was interesting to watch and think about this right before Lent.  Is there any greater act of grace than Jesus willingly giving his life for us?  I think I’ve always known what grace is, but it’s only been since the Walk that I “get” it.  That I truly understand what that grace means.  Penance means nothing.  There is nothing I can do to earn grace or forgiveness.  Grace is freely given to those who ask and to those who seek it.

And now, the annual Lenten journey is  underway.  I plan to use this time to deliberately study the Bible and allow it to be a time of reflection for me.  I have felt God telling me to just be still, just be quiet and so the next 47 days will be of quiet reflection.  And to kick that off, this is from the invitation to worship at the Ash Wednesday Services this week:

We are gathered at the beginning of a journey.  One that will take us through the teachings of a rabbi, of the palms laid down in honor, past the betrayal of a trusted friend, into the fear and hatred of the faceless crowd, up to the foot of the cross, and inside death itself.  And yet, the journey will continue.  Not concluded until we stand at the doorway of an empty tomb and witness the fulfillment of God’s promise.  Let us take this journey together. Hand in hand.  Without fear. Trusting in Christ, our Lord and Savior.  Amen.

Desperately Seeking Joy

I’ve started doing a couple of “light” Bible Studies.  One is on a Bible app on my Droid and it’s called “21 Day Fast.” (LifeChurch.tv) Today’s really spoke to me and I wanted to share it here so I don’t lose it.  I’ve spent a lot of time the past few days feeling burdened, put upon, defeated and I needed this reminder to be joyful.  Joy is not dependent upon my circumstances, but a choice I make.  So today, I will sing praise songs with the radio.  Today, I will play with my daughters and shower them with love.  Today, I will remember to tell my husband how much I love him and how much he brings to my life.

Psalm 100.  This psalm talks about entering God’s presence with thankfulness, gladness, joy and praise in your heart.  If you’ve become focused on the physical hardships you’re facing or the burdens you’re bringing to God in prayer [hello!], then spend today just being joyful in the Lord.  Write down some things that bring you joy today. Sing a song of praise to Him.  Pray that God will stir an urgency to press in and see what God has for you beyond His gates.

Psalm 100

A psalm. For giving grateful praise.

¹ Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
² Worship the LORD with gladness;
   come before him with joyful songs.
³ Know that the LORD is God.
   It is he who made us, and we are his^[a];
   we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

⁴ Enter his gates with thanksgiving
   and his courts with praise;
   give thanks to him and praise his name.
⁵ For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
   his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Walking to Emmaus

Two weekends ago, I wrote about Rocky being on a spiritual journey and that I would go the following weekend.  So I’m back.  It was an unbelievable weekend.  There were times I wondered why I chose to attend, but by the end, I was convinced it was the best way to spend that weekend.  It truly was where God wanted and needed me to be.

It’s difficult to describe the weekend and the only way I’ve been able to come up with is it’s a weekend filled with God’s grace & love.  I felt his grace & love in ways I never have before, and in ways I don’t anticipate feeling again.

I was fortunate to know many of the women on the walk.  There were several from our church, most from our small (growing larger) group.  It was nice to be have women there I was already comfortable with, who knew who I was leaving behind.  It was hard.  It was really hard to leave my girls behind, knowing I wouldn’t be able to see or speak to them until Sunday.  I couldn’t help the tears of sadness Thursday night and on Friday.  It was the first time I have slept alone since before Jessie was born.  Amazing, when you think about it. 

I learned things about myself and about God.  My weakness, my sins were laid before me.  But I was also able to spend time in His Word, without really being in his Word.  I wish I had brought my Bible as there were many verses, passages I wrote down that I wanted to mark then and there.  It feels different for me, to mark scripture in my Bible rather than just writing down the verse.  Seeing it in context, to the book, to the rest of the books.

Things come to me at odd times now that I’m back in the real world.  I don’t feel different, yet I know I am.  I find myself wondering why other people aren’t different – then I remind myself that I have changed.

The women’s weekend theme was a Red Door, which means welcome in old American tradition.  A red door would tell a traveler that this is a welcoming place of rest.  A traveler would know that they would be welcomed in, given food and a place to stay.  And that’s what the Walk was for me.  It was a welcome, a re-welcome, to God and to new Sisters in Christ.  I was given food (oh Lord, was I given FOOD!)  And it was a place of rest.

But they urged him strongly, "Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over." So he went in to stay with them.  Luke 24: 29

Girls’ Night In

Rocky is currently on a spiritual journey at church – the Walk to Emmaus.  It’s 4 days at the church, time spent in fellowship with other men.  I know he is, well, not sure if it’s a fun time, but I know at the end of the week he will be stronger in his faith.  This 4 days includes no contact with the outside world, so I am single parenting it this weekend.  This is the longest we will have been apart with no contact since we started dating back in 2000, and the longest he has been away from the girls.  I will go on the same journey next weekend, and while I’m looking forward to growing closer to God and to some women in the church, I know, as I’m sure he is, part of me will be worried about Rocky being the single parent.  I know he will be MUCH better at it than I am, but the nights worry me a bit.  So, to help pass the time this weekend and because other women’s husbands are busy with the Walk, I hosted a girls’ night in last night.

9 women from church came over for some good food, good wine, the movie “Bridesmaids” and a LOT of laughter.  6 bottles of Cupcake varieties and 1 Apothic Red, which went very nicely with the Cupcake reds.  My wonderful church Sisters brought more great food than we could eat and we talked and laughed and ate.  And watching “Bridesmaids” with these women was much more fun than watching with my husband [he didn’t really get it in the way that we did] where we laughed and laughed until tears streamed down our faces.

I love the times I am able to spend with these wonderful women.  After we left Michigan I prayed for a long time for God to bring us some Godly friends.  It took some time, but I’m glad that he was able to bring us to this place at this time to be with these people.

Luke 2:10 … you have saved the best till now.

Psalm 46:10

Be still and know that He is God.

This weekend, I had the opportunity to spend Friday evening and Saturday with some wonderful women from my church in a sea side themed retreat.  We decorated a room in the Sunday School area to look like a retreat, with beach gear, ocean photos & sounds.  I lead the music worship team and enjoyed singing some beautiful songs of praise with these talented women.  I also loved getting to spend some additional time with the leader of the weekend and get to know her better.  Diane & I have had some time this past summer to spend more time together and it has been fun to see this other side of her.  There was a wonderful turn out of women of all ages within the church and I hope we find the time to do this again (perhaps in a true retreat format).

By using things from the beach, we studied Sarai & Hagar, which is one of my favorite stories in the Bible.  I love Sarai.  She is a strong woman, who, even though she is revered for being a “faithful wife”, “obedient to Abram”, she was not afraid to take matters into her own hands.  She obviously tried to force God’s hand and paid for that (as did Hagar) [and I can pinpoint times in my own life where I have done the same].  I also learned something new about Peter [whom I’ve never really liked, with all his “rules” for women].  In his letter “1 Peter”, he writes about Sarah:

“For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master.  You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.” 1 Peter 3:6

Isn’t that interesting? WITHOUT FEAR.  I do not think I have ever heard that verse.  I have to admit I rolled my eyes when I realized that this retreat was going to use Peter to prove a point about Sarah – really, Peter? the woman-hater? [maybe hate is a strong word, but I have learned that he was not fond of the “fairer sex.”  I thought it was going to be more about the “good & faithful wife” [which, really, was she? Sending her servant to Abram to try to “help” God? Laughing at God?]  But the other thing that struck me is that whenever I’ve heard people either preaching or complaining about the Bible stating that women should “submit” to their husbands, they leave out this part, the part about doing what is right WITHOUT FEAR.  To me, that means that if I am to submit to my husband, I should not fear him.

We talked about doubts, friendship and spending time being still and recognizing when God is speaking to us.  It is so hard to find that quiet time necessary to hear God and I have, lately, been wondering about His voice as I haven’t heard him.  I know it is me, that I haven’t taken the time to listen for him.  I know if I can find some time in my day, each day, I will be able to hear his voice and feel his presence.

Be still and know that He is God. Be still and know that He is holy.  Be still, oh, restless soul of mine. Bow before the Prince of Peace. Let the noise & clamor cease.   Be still and know that He is God.  Be still and know that He is faithful.  Consider all that he has done, Stand in awe and be amazed and know that He will never change.  Be Still.  Be Speechless.  Be still and know that He is God.  Be still and know He is our Father.  Come rest your head upon his breast.  Listen to the rhythm of his unfailing hear of love. Beating for his little ones, calling each of us to come.  Be still. – Stephen Curtis Chapman.

God is Wild About You! VBS 2011

Maggie spent her mornings this past week at Bible School. As her daycare is at church we didn't have to concern ourselves with transportation as Miss Carol took all the kids in preschool who were signed up to and from VBS. Every day Maggie had stories to tell us about what she learned. She told me today that her favorite story was the one about Jonah and she could listen to it over and over. Her favorite part of the story was when Jonah was swallowed by the big fish. She was disappointed to discover that story was not on the CD we got. You can see her dancing and singing here.

She enjoyed all the music and seemed to learn a lot. And she is teaching ME what it truly means to have faith like a child.

This is my favorite picture of Maggie dancing at VBS today. She just looks so joyful!

An Alternative View of Lent

My dad sent this to me today and I thought it was wonderful! The only thing I have "given up" this Lenten season is a parenting messaging board, which I don't know that giving that up really gets to the true meaning of Lent. I've been thinking about that. One of the stories told last night at Ash Wednesday services was about a friend of the pastor's who decided to give up Starbucks. And when he realized how much money he would save, he decided he could buy an iPad after Easter. So, is he giving up Starbucks for Lent or for the iPad?

So this is from Rev. Janet Kirkland Stark, Melrose Institute at Park Nicollet.

Today, thousands are celebrating the worldwide Mardi Gras or Fat Tuesday -- a day of decadence prior to Ash Wednesday...the beginning of the Christian season of Lent. I am struck by the dichotomy in these two days. It reminds me a bit of all or nothing/black and white thinking: be completely bad and then you will have to petition for the next 40 days to get out of jail free. Although a bit irreverent and extreme...we work with a population that lives on the edges of extreme.

Lent is known as a scared time within the liturgical year of the Christian tradition where one participates in both personal and corporate "spiritual spring cleaning." The 40 days of Lent symbolize Jesus' wilderness journey: who he was, what he taught and what gifts his life, death and resurrection brought to people. Christians practice Lent thru spiritual fasting, prayer and charity. The purpose of fasting or letting something go is to awaken our spiritual hunger or need for God. Prayer focuses our hearts, minds and spirits on our connection to God. Charity is the practice of filling the empty space of what was "let go" with something that brings greater life and spirit.

Most religions have some form of this practice; all with the intention of awakening humanity to our spiritual selves. And like any spiritual practice, it can be harmful when not understood. People end up trading in their self and soul for a false ideal.

As I prepare to create time for people to participate in Ash Wednesday reflection, I find myself afraid. Afraid because our patients already live a lief of lent, living in the wilderness of their extremes. Their hunger and thirst is not just physical and mental ... it is spiritual as well. They long for a sustaining love and connection that meets them in the deepest part of their being, their soul, and says ... You are loved; you are enough; just as you are. letting go of something may only reinforced ED's black and white thinking and their sense of shame for having a disease.

As an alternative, I offer an updated version of Lent for you and your patients. Do something intentional to remind yourself that you are a spiritual being...making space for something else...

• Let go of worry...send blessing to the person or situation instead
• Let of go the need to be busy in every minute...set aside one minute to just breathe.
• Let go of the noise in the morning...drive to work with your radio off
• Let go of one TV program...think of something playful or creative and do it
• Let go of one unrealistic expectation...identify what is real and practice living it
• Let go of needing to KNOW ... be curious...

and wait to be surprised by a stretcher of grace that will find you.

Of course she’s happy, she’s at Luccock!

 Another beautiful weekend at Luccock Park Camp.  We arrived late afternoon Friday August 20th. It was a bit warm, but not even close to the heat in Billings. 

As expected, it was a wonderful weekend.  Maggie & Rocky fished and met a black bear, we hiked to the  falls, I got to read a little bit in my “Amazing Grace” book, Jessie got lots of attention and enjoyed the breeze on her tongue.  Most of the weekend was filled with free time.  We had campfires each night, and smores each night.  Sunday morning, a retired Bozeman pastor held a worship service and talked about baptism.  It was a moving service in which we were all blessed again and Jessie got a little informal baptism – Rocky & Maggie missed that part as about halfway through Maggie decided she needed to see the water again.

2 things really stick out from the weekend:  1. Someone commented that Jessie is a happy baby.  Brenden Miller heard and remarked: “Of course she’s happy, she’s at Luccock.”  2.  Maggie did not want to leave.

  There is just something about being up in the mountains that renews my soul and strengthens my faith. 

Lent Reflections: Christ the Victor

I guess it doesn’t matter than I’m writing my final thoughts on our Lenten study almost a week after Easter.  After all, the fact that Christ rose from the grave is not something that ends at Easter. It is a message that continues and blesses us to this day.  Without the resurrection, this story could not have continued.  It would not have continued.  How could it?  Would the disciples ever have come out of hiding?  Would any of them had even bothered to write down their experience or Jesus’ words? What would have been the point?  After all, they weren’t there when he died or was buried.  His burial was left to Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus, both most likely members of the Sanhedrin. Do you suppose they felt guilty for not speaking up earlier during the trial?  Perhaps they both felt this was a way for them to make it up to Jesus.  I wonder if they realized that their work in preparing his body was futile, that in 3 days Jesus would be resurrected.

On that day, Jesus chose to first reveal himself to those who showed up first: Mary Magdalene, another Mary and Salome.  Interesting that he chose to reveal himself to them first.That they were the ones to tell the others first. I cannot even imagine what was going through the women’s heads at that time: disbelief, fear, a small part of them daring to believe it.  Like all the disciples, I suppose. All of the gospels agree that there was disbelief among all of the faithful.  They were brutally honest about that.  After spending over 24 hours in hiding to avoid the same fate as Jesus, they saw him.  They talked to him, ate with him, walked with him.  And then, they proclaimed him.  They endured torture, jail time, most were martyred for proclaiming that Jesus is not dead, he defeated death and is our champion!

But the Resurrection is not simply about a man being raise from the dead: after all, Jesus did that while still alive. The Resurrection is about God showing his power over evil, over death.  He has shown that we just need to side with him to be on the winning team.  We still NEED to choose him. We still have the free will to reject him, to reject the story, to find a way to explain away the resurrection.

To me, the final word of the entire study is that the power of Easter is Hope.  Hope in Jesus. Hope in life eternal. Hope that there is reason and meaning in this life. Hope.

Lent Reflections: The Crucifixion

Fitting, isn’t it, that I end up writing about the Crucifixion on Good Friday? I can honestly say I did not plan that.  I have some extra time this morning and thought it would be a good time to write down my thoughts.

The service the last 2 Sundays have been so, I’m not sure exactly what word to use: disturbing? horrifying? convicting?  The replica cross is eerie and even more so when Brian was pounding in the nails.  It felt strange to continue on with the service, like everything is normal, after a sermon like that.

Jesus was crucified at 9 a.m.  It had probably been about 3 hours of flogging, humiliation and carrying that heavy crossbeam to Golgotha.  It took 6 hours for him to die.  He was only 2-3 feet off the ground so his mother and followers were able to look into his eyes, talk to him, touch him.  Horrifying.

In this chapter, we also discussed a theory of atonement that is the one that makes the most sense to me.  The other two theories discussed in the book were 1. the substitution theory in that Jesus took our place, receiving the punishment for us, and 2. the subjective influence theory in which Jesus’ suffering and death demonstrated the depth of human sin and the breadth of God’s love for us.  The final theory is the sacrificial offering theory.  Throughout history, humans have offered sacrifices to the gods for various reasons.  The Jewish people offered sacrifices to God through the Temple priest.  The sacrifices were offered not to turn away God’s wrath, but to express the people’s repentance and their desire to be reconciled to God.  One goat was offered as a sacrifice and another, the “scapegoat” was given the sins of the people and sent into the wilderness never to be seen again.  In Jesus’ death, he acted as high priest representing all of humanity.  With His death, he opened the door to God to us. This sacrifice allows us direct access to God.  This is shown in Matthew, Mark and Luke as all 3 gospels mention that when Jesus died, the curtain of the temple was torn in two.  The curtain blocking access and the view of the Holy of Holies was torn and we are no longer separated from Him.

Yet, at the time, his disciples didn’t understand.  I can imagine their despair.  The last 3 years, they had left their families and followed him.  They most likely, much like Judas, thought it was all over.  Did they leave the cross before he died?  John probably took Mary somewhere, though I’m sure she waited until Jesus had died before leaving.  But they all left. No one was there to bury him.  The women, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Salome were the ones to go to the grave 3 days later to anoint his body, so they were probably at the burial, or at least knew where the body was located.  Perhaps the anointment was women’s work, which is why the disciples didn’t go. Or maybe they just stayed in hiding, still fearful for their own lives.  What do you supposed they talked about those two days? Or did they talk at all?  Perhaps they just sat in silence, pondering the last three years, wondering whether or not it had been worthwhile.  Fortunately, for them and for us, they did not act irrationally.  They waited.  And three days later were rewarded greatly!  How wonderful for us that we already know how this story will end.

Lent 10: The Torture and Humiliation of the King

When I first looked through the book and read through the chapter titles in "24 Hours that Changed the World," I wondered if it would be worthwhile to spend an entire chapter on the torture and humiliation prior to the crucifixion. I wondered if it would have been better for them to break up some of the other chapters: you could easily discuss Peter, Judas, the Sanhedrin, or Pilate in an entire chapter. However, it's also very easy to just gloss over the torture and humiliation. The gospels spend very few verses on it. Growing up, we didn't spend a lot of time on it. When Mel Gibson put out The Passion of the Christ, it was very difficult to get past all the violence of the movie to probably really understand it. And, honestly, rather difficult to believe much of the violence wasn't put out there to try to shock us.

The violence was very very real. The flogging itself most likely almost killed Jesus. The gospels spend very very little time on the physical torture, yet we can guess that hours were probably spent on the flogging. The Romans had specially trained soldiers to inflict the torture. In Sunday's sermon, Pastor Tim and Brian brought out visual aids: a whip, a cat o' nine tails, a crown of thorns, a purple "robe" and a cross beam -- a smaller version of what Jesus possibly carried.

More powerful to me than the violent part of the torture is the emotional torture. God became human and experienced the full breadth of emotions we humans can and do experience. Adam Hamilton put it very well in the daily reflection book:

There are many different dimensions to the suffering and death of Jesus Christ. Among them is the idea that in Jesus' suffering and death, God was fully identifying with us and was able to experience what we go through as human beings. God knows what it means to feel small, to be attacked mentally and emotionally, and to be physically abused.

Each week of this study has allowed me to see myself in various people. In this study I have found myself identifying with Peter, Judas, Pilate, the Sanhedrin. In looking at this week, I didn't know if I would be able to find myself within these verses. But find myself I did, in a place I didn't want to: in the Roman soldiers. Once again, it is going along with the crowd. I can remember as a child the times I jumped in on the ganged up teasing of the group, even though I had been subject to that ganged up teasing.

The soldiers actually called together their entire squadron -- 300-600 men -- to participate in this humiliation. There were probably some who weren't quite sure what was going on, yet fell into the "fun." We humans can easily fall into the trap of the charismatic speaker. I'm sure not every person who was involved with the Nazi party was evil or started out believing the Jews needed to be killed off. It is easy to get on that slippery slope of believing one small part of the propaganda, then a half truth, then a bigger lie, then a flat out falsehood: demonizing the one you are supposed to be "against." It is so easily seen right now with the health care debate going on. Americans seem to be falling on one side or the other and are believing the lies and half truths about the other side, when the true version most likely lies somewhere in the middle.

The final part of this chapter puts us on the road to Golgotha. After the torture, Jesus is forced to carry his own crossbeam to Golgotha. Physically and emotionally beaten, Jesus would have had a very difficult time carrying the beam very far. Rocky and I recently watched The Real Jesus on the National Geographic channel. For the show, a recreation of a Roman cross was built and an actor who is similar in build to a Galilean man of the 1st century attempted to carry it. This healthy man could carry the crossbeam about 150 ft before the weight became too much for him. It is no wonder that Jesus, in his state, needed assistance. Simon of Cyrene was pressed into service. He probably had never even heard of Jesus, but was most likely a Jew who had come from Cyrene to celebrate Passover. He happened to be in the wrong place at the right time -- or maybe the right place at the wrong time. Or perhaps even the right place at the right time: it is assumed that he became a follower of Jesus after as his sons are mentioned by name in Mark as if the reader should know who they are. In those short minutes, I wonder what happened to convince Simon to follow Jesus? Did one of the disciples go to him after the fact and explain exactly who Jesus was? Did he invite Simon to join them? Was he among those Jesus appeared to after the Resurrection?

Pastor Tim boiled down this chapter to 2 questions: will you be one who helps build the cross or one who helps carry the cross?

Lent Reflections: Jesus, Barabbas & Pilate

Another interesting topic. This week was more about people outside of the Jewish religious leadership community and their relationship to Jesus.

The Sanhedrin took Jesus to Pilate as they did not have the power to execute. They had to come up with a reason as Rome did not care about blasphemy. They decided to accuse him of claiming to be King of the Jews, which was a likely road to execution -- Rome would not take kindly to someone wanting to take leadership of the Jews. They had spent a lot of time in the past few centuries taking care of insurrections and the messiah du jour. People had expected/wanted Jesus to be a messiah that would save them from the Romans and make everything good in this life. When they greeted him with palms the week before, they were greeting him as a hero, a rescuer, the one who would give them a new kingdom in this world. They didn't understand the kind of kingdom Jesus was promising.

I'd like to write about Barabbas first. I find him a very interesting character, even though he seems to be a very small part of the story. Jesus Barabbas (or Jesus Bar-Abbas). Now, he was the type of messiah the Jews were looking for. Most likely, he wanted to be the one to lead the Jews to overthrow the Romans, to take political power. He had most likely heard of Jesus of Nazareth, maybe even considered him a rival -- after all, Jesus had talked of leading a "new" kingdom. Barabbas had already made one attempt to take over with the sword and it landed him in jail, waiting for a cross of his own. I wonder if the thought ever crossed his mind that he might be the one released by Pilate for Passover. What went through his mind when the guards came to get him? Could he hear the crowds chanting his name? Was he thrilled to get another chance to lead the Jews to rebellion? Did he understand what it meant that Jesus of Nazareth was taking his place?Was he happy? "Better him than me"? Was he confused? We don't know what happened to Barabbas after he was released. The next big rebellion was 40 years away -- did he try something before that and ended up in the same spot as before? Was he a part of that next rebellion?

And the people that called for Barabbas' release? Did they understand what they were choosing? I think so. They wanted someone to lead them in an uprising in this world. They didn't understand what kingdom Jesus was talking about. They didn't care about the next world, they cared about this world. I think many of us would make the same decision today. We want our leaders to come in and make changes NOW. We don't want to wait a few years or decades for things to get better; we want things to be better now. And when things don't change fast enough, we look for the next messiah who promises to make things better, and fast. Which Jesus will you choose?

Then there's Pilate. The Gospels paint Pilate as much as a coward, one who was swayed by the crowd, as one who did not hesitate to kill Jews (Luke 13:1). Tradition holds that Pilate was inflexible, harsh and stubborn. I wonder why Pilate was so hesitant to kill Jesus; did he had an inkling of what it would mean to put Jesus on the cross? He didn't really need a reason, and the Sanhedrin gave him the perfect one: Jesus was claiming to be King of the Jews. Yet, Pilate went through the trial, looking for a reason to NOT kill Jesus. He asked the crowd numerous times. He tried to pass the decision off to Herod, whose father had tried to kill the baby Jesus. He did everything he could to not crucify Jesus, except actually make the decision and release Jesus.

I think Pilate's actions are understandable. How many times have I gone along with the crowd or with what society said was okay when I knew it was the wrong choice? Trying to satisfy myself or others rather than God led me down several wrong paths. I have heard the siren song of the crowd. I hear it still today. What matters is the choice I make when I hear that song. Do I satisfy the crowd and wash my hands of the decision? Or do I do what I know to be right and take the responsibility?

Lent Reflections: Condemned by the Righteous

Wow.  This last week’s study has been so convicting.  And very difficult.  I see myself in so many parts of this story – the overly righteous, so convinced that I am right; the quiet one standing by, knowing what is happening is wrong, yet not saying anything, just letting it happen around me; the rash, reacting one, following behind yet denying who I really am.

A lot of my thoughts are stuck on the Sanhedrin.  I know that I have been both  inside the Sanhedrin and standing outside of the Sanhedrin, calling them hypocrites, at various times in my life.  In the story, the Sanhedrin are the top 71 holy men of the time.  Probably at the top of the social ladder.  They had control; they could tax.  Caiaphas was the leader of the Sanhedrin and, most likely, his power was handed down to him from his father-in-law with Rome’s blessing.  I can imagine him bragging to the others of the times he has convinced Rome of something, or perhaps he spent time at Pilate’s – whether as part of a larger gathering or maybe they were friendly.  As friendly as a Roman and Jewish leader could be.  It was likely a relationship that was mutually beneficial.  Caiaphas could keep the Jews under control and gather more taxes for Rome and Pilate could look the other way as taxes were skimmed off the top.

Whatever the relationship, Caiaphas saw Jesus as a threat to his way of life.  Jesus was preaching change, a new kingdom and his reaction to the merchants in the temple was probably the last straw for Caiaphas.  Caiaphas and the others used Judas to arrest Jesus and had to have some sort of preplanning going on – how else do they gather all 71 members of the Sanhedrin in the middle of the night after the most important meal in the Jewish faith?  If the disciples couldn’t stay awake, how were they able to gather all of the members of the Sanhedrin so quickly? And the witnesses?  There was a mob of people at this trial and no Twitter or Facebook to make these arrangements at the last minute.

Fear is a powerful motivator and this story is filled with fear.  Fear can create an angry mob and people can easily fall into this mob even if they don’t agree with the direction the mob is taking.  It’s hard to believe that all 71 members of the Sanhedrin followed Caiaphas’ train of thought.  Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimathea are part of the Jewish leaders: Nicodemus as a “leader of the Jews” (John 3:1) and Joseph is listed as a “respected member of the council” (Mark 15:43).  Were they at the trial?  We are told both were “secret” followers of Jesus.  If they were part of the 71, why didn’t they speak up?  How many times have I been that person?  The one who knew what was happening wasn’t right, yet didn’t say anything, who sat by and fought the urge to speak up?

And then there’s Peter.  Peter, the hotheaded one, who loved Jesus so, yet denied knowing him 3 times that night.  But he was there.  He followed the arresting mob. John also followed, but it seems John was allowed in – which is probably the only way we know what happened at the trial – though I wonder where was John?  Was he right in the trial, or only allowed to stand outside?  We didn’t really discuss John on the inside, so I’m just going to write about Peter.  We focus so many times on the denials, that we forget that he was there.  Jesus was able to LOOK at him when Peter denied him the third time.  There are theories that try to exonerate Peter, but those theories would involve Peter having foreknowledge of what was going to happen and to plan through why he should deny knowing Jesus and I just don’t think Peter planned that far ahead.  We know Peter to be impetuous and reactionary.  I think Peter was curious and wanted to know what was happening, yet was scared, so very scared for his life.  I know there have been times that I have denied God, by words or deeds, but my life has never been on the line.  I was merely trying to save “face” or attempt to increase a social standing.  How revolting does that seem in the face of what Peter did?  Peter was THERE.  Peter’s life was on the line.  The guards could have taken him in regardless of his answer.  Can we really, truly blame Peter for his rash answer?

One last thought on Judas.  Matthew tells us that Judas repented when he found out that Jesus had been condemned and returned the 30 pieces of silver and then killed himself.  While there are a number of theories on Judas and why he did what he did, we will most likely never know, in this life, exactly what his reasons were.  We know he turned Jesus over to the Jewish leaders and then regretted his actions.  Judas sincerely thought Jesus’ time was over.  He, as all of the disciples, didn’t understand Jesus’ teachings on his resurrection.  What if Judas had waited just 2 days?  What if he had sought out the other disciples to explain why he did what he did?  If he had, Judas would have been among the disciples when Mary came running to tell them he was back.  Would he have been with Peter and John when they ran to see with their own eyes?  Perhaps this is the lesson we can learn from Judas – to wait before we act or react to an event.  I can think of several situations right now that I can take this lesson to heart.  Actually, I can think of several situations in my life in which all of these lessons apply.  Now, I need to apply them.

Lent Reflections: the Garden of Gethsemene

I think I am going to come away from this study with many many more questions than answers. I can remember learning this part of the story growing up, but obviously, not in the detail this study is going into. I know we learned that Jesus asked for the cup to be taken from him, but I don't remember going into the struggle and anguish he was going through.

This part of the story is fairly short; the disciples do not get into the details of the prayer -- probably because they all fell asleep. And really, can you blame them? It had been a very busy week, they had just completed a large meal and then walked 20-25 minutes just to get to the garden where Jesus decided he wanted to pray. It was probably around midnight and they had probably been up since early that morning, and spent the day preparing for the feast. Jesus admonishes them 3 times, and yet I wonder what he had asked of them. The Bible only tells us that he asked them to pray they would not fall into temptation. Did he ask anything else of them? Did he even hint at what was going to happen later that night? We know he also told them they would all turn away from him, as we all do. This is probably another reason this part is short: the disciples do not come out looking well.

These short passages also show the very human side of Jesus. He asked, begged, God to take this away, to find another way. It was God's plan -- why couldn't He change it? Why did it have to happen this way? As a parent, I cannot even fathom coming up with such a plan that would require my only child to be sacrificed in this way.

Adam Hamilton describes this as a time of temptation for Jesus. This seems very logical. Of course, Satan would have Jesus' ear whispering questions, questions that he whispers to me all the time: are you sure this is His plan? Just cut and run or fight, you don't have to just walk into this. Just think about what could happen if you don't do this. It just makes sense that if Jesus was truly human that this would be his biggest temptation. Which makes me wonder why Christians were all up in arms over The Last Tempation of Christ. I understand there was more to it than just controversy over Christ being tempted, but I also understand that many do not want to see the human side of Christ. Isn't it much more wonderful for us that God truly came to Earth as human? That he knows the temptations we go through daily? That He truly understands us?

As part of our study, Brian brought out some of the traditional portraits of Christ in Gesthsemene: the serene Jesus praying at the stone, looking up to Heaven, light shining on him or a halo around him. The Jesus of Tradition that went willingly, with no question, to His destiny that God had written out for him. Later in the small group time, Brian shared with us a Gauguin painting of Gethsemene. In further reading, I discovered that Gauguin used his own face in the painting. How fitting. And isn't that rather the point? That Jesus, in his anguish at Gethsememe became "everyman". He knows us. He knows what it is to be human.

Lent Reflections: Wesley Covenant Prayer

At last night's Fuel, I was reminded of this prayer that I heard many years ago at the Presbyterian Church I attended in Boulder, CO. I think it is a wonderful reflection on the Garden of Gethsemene:

I am no longer my own, but thine.
Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee,
exalted for thee or brought low for thee.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
thou art mine, and I am thine.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen.

I will write more about the garden later as I have many many thoughts rambling through my head.